What you dont see on FACEBOOK!

She updated her status for the umpteenth time in 12 hours 'Off to lunch at the OXO tower'...as I sneered with envy. Its either she is sky diving or globetrotting in South America.... clocking up the miles.
-When she goes home night she cries because she hasn't had a date in 8 months and no man wants to be with her for her attitude stinks to the high heavens. For all you know, she may be trying to 'belong'.

She posts her picture of her palatial mansion on Facebook. Fluffy lapdog by her side, while a diamond bracelet dangles on her bony wrists. She pouts. I hate her annoying pout. It doesn't change the fact that she has my dream kitchen and has 4 kitchen staff. She displays all on FB for all to see. We look and envy and wish we were like her. We wish we can have a glimpse of what her life is like.
-When she goes homes at night... the man who provides all of these for lays his hands on her at will. No one sees her black eye.

He is off to Jamaica this time. Picture perfect... he has grown a little bulge from all the gorgeous Caribbean indulgence. He is frolicking with scantily clad bikini women with taut bottoms. He is envied by how many he has scored. He shows another picture of a nice buffet spread with all the tasty delicacies Kingston town can offer.
-What you don't see is that the inspiration behind his Jamaican trip was his recent divorce. His wife banged his best friend. His heart aches badly. He is binging on food and rum and darn he cant get his hands off spliff. Shagging scantily clad women is the last thing on his mind.

She updates her status about her dad and how much he was her best friend and all that jazz. She went all crazy on FB when he died. She lost her best buddy, her anchor, her pillar. She lost the ying to her yang.
-What you don't see is how she truly feels about him. She is indifferent about him. She may even hate him.

She is married to a rich man who owns all the choice cars. She is jetting from Country to Country. She is married to a busy professional who is barely around. He is too busy.
-What you don't know is that he cant stand her guts. Its only a matter time he will walk out on her.

She keeps posing and pouting and updating every minute she is at a pool party, house party, party party. Owambe and all of them...
-What you don't know is that she has failed her professional exams for the 3rd time.

We hardly ever see what's behind the scenes. Do not get carried away by people's status updates or profile pictures or Home Videos. We never even see beyond the smiles and perfect pictures. Things are hardly what they seem. If a life seems too perfect...then it probably is. So the next time you see an update saying 'I Am Happy'..... take a step back and say 'If you are so happy why do you feel the strong conviction to force it down our throats?'. On that note I say MAY OUR LIVES BE AS AWESOME AS WE PRETEND IT TO BE ON FACEBOOK.
Happy New Year Darliiinnnngs x

I know its a tad late. Its been a very hectic year and my puppy Latte died last week. She is in a better place

M'je

What are you thankful for?

I was chatting with Ms K the other day and we shared our Christmas stories and she asked me what I got for Christmas. I said nothing. She thought that was odd and she shared her endless list of Christmas pressies which included a coat, perfume...blah, blah and more blah.... It kept me wondering. Pondering. I did not do anything for Christmas and New Year because I had to make sacrifices. Give gifts for the Christmas. To people who needed them and I look at my shelve its bare. The only cards/diaries in my office are from clients who I have done a significant amount of business with. Which is pathetic actually... Oh and a load of generic Yuletide text messages which I don't subscribe to anyway. Not even from my staff who got hefty bonuses and a week off during the holiday (considering this is my busiest season) and not even a Christmas card to say thanks. Only one of them sent a 'thank you' text and came late to work the next day. I can't say I am pleased about it. I am quite miffed actually that people just assume you owe them. I have come to the conclusion that humans are programmed that way. We take things for granted. We forget.

I woke up this morning (well its been like that for a few months) and barely said a prayer. All that concerned me was getting to the shop and getting on with business for the day. How would God feel? I have taken for granted 'life' because I get it everyday. I kinda know the importance of a grateful heart NOW as I grow older and have more responsibilities and have to deal with ungrateful people who are under my care. I guess it's the same way my creator feels when he knows he can take me anytime he pleases. I guess that's why we encounter new challenges and obstacles as a reminder that we have a creator and maker who we run to in time of need.

So as 2012 draws closer, all I care about is a heart of gratitude. I just want to give thanks to God for sparing my life everyday, for my family for my health, food and everything else in between. I am certain that a heart of gratitude is the way to bring more into my life so....He must feel really awful about my ingratitude. I don't think my life is more precious to him than my brother who died untimely in October or more precious that those who were killed in the bomb blast in church while I was snoring comfortably in my bed. I am not better than them.

So on that note I ask you: Have you said your thanks today?

M'je

Pic from google images

How to spend a Billion on feeding annually

It recently came to light that there has been an allocation of N1Billion Naira ($6Million) for our President's 2012 feeding allowance. As a foodie and enjoyment minister I was particularly interested as to how they would achieve that in Aso rock. Unfortunately I have champagne tastes on a beer salary but given the chance I would know how to spend the money...so i stole sometime out today to create a budget on how I would spend $6M on feeding if I was the first lady of the nation... This comes with the entire package from the choicest ingredients, to the logistics then the manpower... not forgetting the sycophants. Remember, if you have a billion Naira to spend on food annually, your sycophants will come in droves.

Here is how to do it Mamuje style:

A Michelin star chef’s ANNUAL salary is $150,000 (N24,900,000)

A Sous Chef ANNUAL salary is $45,000 (N7,470,000)

5 Kitchen Assistants $20,000 each/ $100,000 (N16,600,000)

Private Jet Flights to bring in food- $237,600 (N39,441,600)

Vintage wines. Lafite Rothschild wines. 240 bottles. $68,400 (N22,708,800).

Louis XIII Remy Martin cognac. 20 bottles $70,000 (N11,620,000)

2 pounds of Saffron $22,000

Caviar $10,000

Kobe Beef $15,000

When I am feeling peckish i’d hop on a private jet to Italy to eat one of the most expensive pizzas in the world. Valued at 8300 Euro, can be tasted in Italy. With generous toppings of caviar and lobster, the pizza has a diameter of 20cm and Louis XIII Remy Martin cognac poured all over it. (N1,826,000) Afterall a common Beyonce once flew in curry from the UK to the US via private jet because she loved it so much. I could easily just have a pizza party for 83,000 Euros for pizza alone.

Kopi Luwak Sumatra coffee $2000

The collosseo Oro kitchen for a staggering $480,000

Wedgwood Crystal $300,000 (Includes Decanters, Goblets, Champagne flutes, brandy glasses, fruit bowls etc)

Truffles $5000 If you think the truffles I am talking about are chocolates then you have no business with allocating a budget of N1Billion for feeding in the first place. Hian!

So far, I have managed to spend (in my mind) a whooping $1.6M (about N264 M) and thats stretching it. Even if you include all the starch and banga the Bayelsans can eat. It still wont cut it. I can see our future slowly disintegrating into quick sand. The same president who was supposed to come save the people is now eating our coffers clean. Where are the GEJ enthusiasts when you need them? They've all suddenly become deaf, dumb and stupid. It is well with Nigeria.

M'je

Pic gotten from google images
Info gotten from wacky facts online

Holiday-ting.

Compliments of the season my blog fam. Its been a minute and a bit again. The month of December is my busiest period and I have barely stopped to catch my breath. This year has been the most trying business wise. I learnt a lot from past business mistakes, all the errors came to bite me in the ass. There is no friend or family in business. IF you must do, then do so wisely. So I am picking up the pieces and making the most/best of it. You live and learn, they say.

My mission in the last quarter of the year is to give dating a chance. (Like seriously, I mean)... I cant believe how tasking and daunting it can be. From picking the appropriate outfit to choosing a suitable place etc etc. There is a tiny voice inside of me praying fervently for God to bring that special someone so I don't have to endure boring dinners and conversations. My life is a soap opera I tell ya.

I have been so busy and been getting quite forgetful lately. Too forgetful in fact. Last week I forgot one sandal at the supermarket. No! I wasn't trying out shoes there, they don't even sell shoes there. I just forget and when I got back to the office I realized I was a sandal short. Please don't ask.....then on Friday I forgot my handbag at a customers office. So i decided to take Saturday off and sleep it off.

Yesterday, I had a Christmas party for my friends. It was the biggest event I have ever had at my place. It was swell. Like literally, my knees are swollen from too much komole dancing. I made a nice spread. From pepper soup to Puff puff and then my ever so popular ram stew.... one amazing guest brought Palm-wine. It was a blast. You know you had a great party when you have guests passed out on the couch the next morning.

I'd be working over Christmas. That's what I do. Not going out of town like I'd normally do. Frankly, I am too skint too go anywhere as I had my fair share of holidays in 2011. Don't know what 2012 will bring.... but I am optimistic.

In other news. I have NO opinion about Bishop Oyedepo slapping the 'witch for Jesus' nor do I have an opinion about the new toll fee for Lekki residents.... or even the 14 year jail-term for homosexuals who marry in Nigeria because I cant make any sense out of it. *insert blank stare*

What will you be doing for Christmas?

M'je

Mi pasión es su pasión.

Ok! I have been having conversations lately regarding my passion for food.... or lets say (apart from being incredibly busy selling booze) I have been cooking up a storm. Trying out new recipes and trying to follow my dream on way or another, without taking my eyes off the ball. I need adequate resources to pursue my passion. I just moved into a spanking new office which is supposed to help me focus more on what I need to do and I am loving it. That aside.

I have had friends, acquaintances... those who I have had the privilege of cooking for tell me to open a restaurant more than a thousand times. Honestly, I find it laughable yet flattering that people think my food is restaurant quality. I think otherwise. Besides, I think there are a myriad of ways to explore the cooking passion/talent apart from opening a restaurant. I could be a food author, Food photographer, Offer cooking lessons, Start a cooking show etc.. The possibilities are even endless. Just because I cook well doesn't mean I can sell food. Not everyone who sings in the shower will go on to make XFactor and sell tons of records... well, that's how life is. Some people are happy just to share their passion with family and friends. Nothing more. If it works out that you make money out of your passion, fine. I started selling booze by chance and I think it worked out incredibly well. Not because I love to drink ;-) Although my mates may feel otherwise. As a child my parents always felt I would make a brilliant lawyer because I could argue and talk for the whole of Gibraltar. Thank heavens I never did. I would have been a crap lawyer! I don't have the patience for it.

In closing, what I am saying is simply to live and enjoy your passion. Not because society expects that you should become something cause you are good at it. Its not always all about the money. Although the money will always come in handy. Just because you are good in bed doesn't mean you'd go on to become a prostitute. Enough said.

M'je

The snooperholic!

So she comes crying to me the other day. Bloodshot eyes. Puffy cheeks and whatnot. It was my birthday and I wasn't going to allow her dampened mood cut short my joy. I knew what she needed. Sadly or 'Unsadly' I am the straight talking- brutally honest woman and not afraid to tell it like it is. I told her to come over lets talk about it. Before she even started I gave it to her fair and square "If you have no plans of leaving your fiancee for good why snoop around on him. What good is that going to do for you?".... I cant for the life of me understand why some women want to give themselves unnecessary heartache. I learnt. I learnt very early on in my dating career that what you don't know doesn't kill you. Besides I don't need to know everything....just enough information to make me happy. I do not condone cheating from either party. But if you are going to forgive your boyfriend after he cheats why even bother snooping around in the first place?

This is a no-brainer. Why find out he is cheating then forgive him afterwards?

Let me a tell you a story. A few years ago I walked into my boyfriend chatting with his Ex... I peered over his shoulder and could see my name on google chat. When he went for a run I opened his computer and checked his chat history and lo and behold, my worst fears were confirmed. For days it felt like a pairing knife was nested in my chest. I confronted him about a week later. He turned it on me and broke up with me. I was crushed. He couldn't deal with the lack of trust. I quickly learned that if you love someone and not ready to cause yourself unnecessary wahala then let sleeping dogs lie. Pointing out that he is cheating and taking him back is like flogging a dead horse. I am against animal cruelty jor.

It beats me when some women go the extra mile to rat out their cheating husbands. Fight with his concubine as if its solely 'her' fault... acquire amateur detective skills yet stay with the cheat. Why raise your blood pressure unnecessarily? Going through your partner's phone/facebook account/ email is certainly a No No and I would be mortified if a man goes through my phone. Sorry, I wont allow it. I may not have anything to hide but my phone and email are certainly none of your business unless we have a joint email account or phone. Sadly, a cheat doesn't change because you accuse him/her and threaten to leave him/her a thousand times. He will keep cheating because you have allowed it happen once.... same applies to women bashers and the likes.

Zip it or end the relationship. If you have too much time on your hands, invest in a hobby, sport or hone your cooking skills. Stop whining and then take him back. Worse than a dog going back to its vomit.

M'je

Photo from google images

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Its my birthday today and I am grateful to God for adding another blessed year to my years. I am grateful because I have had a drama-free year. This year has been about taking charged and re-aligning my steps, so its been grand. I also have the privilege of sharing this amazing day with some famous celebs. Goldie Hawn, Bjork, Cherry Jones and the sexy Nicollete Sheridan.

Did you also know the cartoon character Tweety bird was created today? I bet you didnt. Anyway, my name is Gina and I just turned 'tati too'. I am loving every minute of it.

M'je

Weddings & Phobias...

As a little girl I remember being dressed up in dowdy and sometimes horrid outfits and joined the flower girl or little bride parade. I must have loved it. I probably thrived on it as i got to wear the heels that I loved so much. I had big feet so by age 8 I got my first sling back nude heels. Size 38. Most of all, I am sure my mum was keen to show off her only daughter as I must have played the flower girl role to at least half a dozen of my aunts' weddings. I will never forget one in 1988. I remember that one especially because I was dressed up in the most hideous dress ever. It was fuchsia pink and black stripes and it had cheap black lace on the collar. I made a decision early in life that I didn't want to have a bridal train. I was clearly traumatized.

As the years went on weddings lost their flair. I come from a large family and I had to be there for almost every function. Then out of the blue I just stopped attending Weddings/Christenings altogether. Even that of relatives.

Over the weekend I tried to re-collect all the weddings I have been to over the last 10 years. There has been at least 4 weddings annually between my friends and family and I have barely attended any. I have missed my closest friends weddings. Travelling to another town/state for a wedding is actually a big deal for me. To give you an idea, I have missed the weddings of 3 half sisters and I deliberately didn't go for my dad's remembrance (even though all my siblings went0. My excuse?. I just didn't want to be there. I am good at NOT giving any explanations. I also hate going to children's birthdays. Concerts are a No No. I wont call it a social phobia as I don't mind going to bars/restaurants with friends or alone as I can just zone out and pretend we are the only ones in the room. When aso-ebi matter enter, count me out!

Anyway, now i think its posing as a problem I have missed about 3 weddings this year and missed the fourth last Saturday and have decided I wont miss the next weekend as a mate is getting married and I should be there for him. I know I am scared of something. Sometimes I feel I will be judged. Sometimes I fear to start the aproko conversations that some busy-body Nigerian invetebrates engage in about why you are not married/have a baby etc. Why are these people even invited anyway? Surely, one of life's enigmas! Maybe part of me is secretly envious of their happiness. Maybe I am running away from something. The rate at which things are going, no one will show up for my wedding.

M'je

5 years today...

Hey blogsville...

5 years ago on this day I started the Mamuje blog. Yippee, happy birthday to us. Its been one glorious journey. I have been privileged to meet some really cool people here and it extended to real life. For that I remain eternally grateful.

Whew! How time flies, i still remember why/when/how I started this blog....sitting in my tiny room in North London trying to figure which of my convoluted thoughts I should write about.... its funny how much my blog has evolved.... I barely have time anymore to discuss trivial issues... when i thrived on trivial issues in the past. Sometimes i re-read old blogs and go 'how did i ever pen that down'... but i think its all a nice reminder of when i was young an insistently stupid Hahahaha

The name Mamuje was given to me in University....a long time ago. Apparently it means 'Mother of smoke'. Mama Uje.... Don't ask me but the name stuck. So I decided to name my blog just that. In case you were wondering...

Not much to report so here is to another blissful 5 years....

M'je

Untitled (Cant think of anything right now!)

Hey people, Its been a long road. I have been MIA over the last 2 months. Sorting out my life and basically trying to find my feet is different facets of my life. Its been awkward. Some Nollywood type scenario going on in my world.... luckily lets say I am positive there is a rainbow somewhere.
Recently, I discovered that a gentleman I was involved with(He was lying about his situation) was getting married and the only reason he isnt still married is because there was an accident (that claimed one life) a few days to the wedding and it was called off. I found out I knew the bride. I have known her for over 16 years and she filled me in on the details. I wasnt going to rat him out. I wished them all the best. To this day he denies he was going ahead with the wedding. He said he was actually planning to call it off when i found out he actually had a fiancee and was leading me on. Which makes me believe he orchestrated the accident. If na you wetin you go think?!

The out of nowhere, I had a nasty bout of food posioning that almost crippled me. Nasty, Nasty, Stuff!

Over the last 10 days there has been tragedies in my family. We lost a staff ( in a ghastly car accident) who has worked for us for over 15 years (some relatives are still in hospital from the aftermath of the accident) and last week my younger brother passed away under very bizzare circumstances I dont want to talk about. Talk about Nollywood. Naija style Drama. Anyway, lets say we encounter circumstances that make us get close to God and you realize its a very evil world out there.... so its either you are with the forces of Light or forces of Darkness. This is like the script of a tacky nollywood movie. Just too weird...

Then some sunshine came into my life amidst all these chaos. I got my puppy. A mix between a Westie and a Maltese. She is so precious yet very naughty and causing me sleepless nights (I am not enjoying having poop all over my, office floor, bed and pee on my carpet). Potty training is much harder than i expected. Now i get the full meaning of 'dog breath'....Chei.. Lordy, i need to brush her teeth/tongue/gums every now and then. I named her Latte. I couldnt think of anything else (that hasn't been taken) so white so I decided on one of my favourite coffees.

My Birthday comes up in exactly 3 weeks. I don't want to celebrate. I just want to sit down with one good friend, have a glass of wine and reflect on my life. Its just been too weird. Thank heavens I have you guys and I can come here and let my worries on this platform. Now back to doggie mummy duties. Much love y'all:-D

M'je