Lets say the last 10 months in 2010 hasn't been favourable in my dating career. I am not perturbed. Reason being is now I have gone back to the drawing board and realised what I am NOT looking for. One of my very first interviews when I relocated back to Nigeria... I had a question thrown at me. 'Substance or Form?''.... as naive as I was. I believed it was all about 'form' back then. It was the perception that mattered. Or so i thought.....!
I cried over Solomon* because he seemed too perfect. He looked the part. A Caucasian. He came from a good home. He had a close knit family. His parents were still married. He had a good body (Boy was fit). He had dual citizenship (Oh yes! Believe it or not it was a prerequisite for marriage). He was smart (a few degrees from Ivy league schools). Panache was his middle name. He loved the finer things in life. He ate caviar and fois gras. He knew where Ulaanbatar was. Yet He was emotionally unavailable!!!
Dean* was cool too. A Caucasian. We shared a penchant for food, travel and fine wine. He was tall. He was troubled yet very much in love with me or should I say deeply infatuated. He was emotionally unstable, very much so!!
There was Ty*, don't know if any man would love me as much as he did. He didn't have the world but he would share anything he had with me. He wanted to give me the world. I was too occupied with Dean to see that. He loved me too much (I must admit it was kinda creepy) He moved on with a broken heart. He is married yet will not forgive me. *sigh*. He was too weak!!!
Then came latte*...Tall, Intrepid, Well spoken (his baritone could compete with Barry white), He went to private school. He had some plush pedigree. We shared a love for Indian outfits and wine. We shared a passion for cooking..... Oh yes, he had dual citizenship too. It felt too good to be true. My guts told me something wasn't right. But he seemed perfect on the outside. For heaven's sake we are from the same local government. He must be the one. He was going to give me the most beautiful kids in the world. He was suave. He was.... ........ Then he spoils everything by asking me to borrow him money. I had barely known him for 3 weeks. So it was a gold-digging tactic all along. Need I say more....?
I believe God brought him my way to teach me that it wasn't about form or looks. Its about substance. A man who has integrity, candour and self-respect. He could be 5 feet tall and from the back hills of Rwanda, it doesn't matter. He may not speak Oxford type English or eat scones for breakfast. He doesn't even need to know what sashimi is. All I ask is that he is self-sufficient, a provider and a man who respects himself and adores me. That's all I seek.
*Names have been changed.