Monday, 18 October 2010

Let's not cry over spilt latte..

....I guess you had figured out the blog contents from its title.

Lets say the last 10 months in 2010 hasn't been favourable in my dating career. I am not perturbed. Reason being is now I have gone back to the drawing board and realised what I am NOT looking for. One of my very first interviews when I relocated back to Nigeria... I had a question thrown at me. 'Substance or Form?''.... as naive as I was. I believed it was all about 'form' back then. It was the perception that mattered. Or so i thought.....!

I cried over Solomon* because he seemed too perfect. He looked the part. A Caucasian. He came from a good home. He had a close knit family. His parents were still married. He had a good body (Boy was fit). He had dual citizenship (Oh yes! Believe it or not it was a prerequisite for marriage). He was smart (a few degrees from Ivy league schools). Panache was his middle name. He loved the finer things in life. He ate caviar and fois gras. He knew where Ulaanbatar was. Yet He was emotionally unavailable!!!

Dean* was cool too. A Caucasian. We shared a penchant for food, travel and fine wine. He was tall. He was troubled yet very much in love with me or should I say deeply infatuated. He was emotionally unstable, very much so!!

There was Ty*, don't know if any man would love me as much as he did. He didn't have the world but he would share anything he had with me. He wanted to give me the world. I was too occupied with Dean to see that. He loved me too much (I must admit it was kinda creepy) He moved on with a broken heart. He is married yet will not forgive me. *sigh*. He was too weak!!!

Then came latte*...Tall, Intrepid, Well spoken (his baritone could compete with Barry white), He went to private school. He had some plush pedigree. We shared a love for Indian outfits and wine. We shared a passion for cooking..... Oh yes, he had dual citizenship too. It felt too good to be true. My guts told me something wasn't right. But he seemed perfect on the outside. For heaven's sake we are from the same local government. He must be the one. He was going to give me the most beautiful kids in the world. He was suave. He was.... ........ Then he spoils everything by asking me to borrow him money. I had barely known him for 3 weeks. So it was a gold-digging tactic all along. Need I say more....?

I believe God brought him my way to teach me that it wasn't about form or looks. Its about substance. A man who has integrity, candour and self-respect. He could be 5 feet tall and from the back hills of Rwanda, it doesn't matter. He may not speak Oxford type English or eat scones for breakfast. He doesn't even need to know what sashimi is. All I ask is that he is self-sufficient, a provider and a man who respects himself and adores me. That's all I seek.

*Names have been changed.


Anonymous said...


LucidLilith said...

He will come someday. Trust me.

Dating is like hiking in the jungle I swear. I can tell you some horrific tales....

Young Grumbler said...

Dang @ Latte...dude had to spoil it by asking for money. For your list of what you want in a man - let the church say amen! Me and you both o

bob-ij said...

I know right? You think you have the perfect picture of what you want till something happens. The perfect is almost always unexpected and I've come to like that!

It will come, patience!


Myne Whitman said...

Hmmm....I wish you the best girl but you know sometimes, the heart wants what it wants.

Mamuje said...

They say when something is too good to be true. It probably is. Like Myne said: My heart surely knows what it wants.

Thanks guys. I am pretty calm about this now.

Mamuje said...

They say when something is too good to be true. It probably is. Like Myne said: My heart surely knows what it wants.

Thanks guys. I am pretty calm about this now.

SHE said...

Oh lala!
Why did he have to go and do that?

Thank God you were not blinded by the "shiny" aspects of the man.

rethots said...

Realisations "'Substance or Form?'" are always awesome.

2cute4u said...

It's not late and the real thing is on its way..
You just had the no so good ones so you'd be able to know THE ONE when he comes..
Chin up sweerie!

blogoratti said...

Hang in there...

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

Borrow money from u? sigh...thats a turn off for me as well. As for your last comment I so understand it. A friend of mine recently broke up with a great guy cos he couldnt speak proper queens english even tho the guy had everything else.hmmm...Dont worry, ur prince will come :)

Ginger said...

Awww Mamuje. Sending hugs and kisses your way. Better now than later I'll say. Borrowing is an absolute no no.

Lily Johnson said...

I woulda flipped! What was that all about? Jeez!
I totally agree with you on it not being about the glitz and polished accent. Love me, respect me and don't eff up! Be the man i can count on. Be my man. God will fufill your desires dear.

Mamuje said...

Thanks all and lovely of you to visit my page Lily and a big Amen to your prayers.

Onose said...

if you claim it, then its yours. I've learned to never under estimate the power of prayer, a god man shall come your way!

Onose said...

*good ( lol)

Lara said...

hang in there, he will come in good time

awittyfool said...

Maturity is a bitch, hun? Now if only we could find 'Substance' in a good 'form'.

Nutty J. said...

Exactly....if only we can find 'substance' in a good form...

But no worries...Tarry a while.

PS;...but where are the correct males na??? We are beginning to have fewer correct guys to go around.

Parakeet said...

This post made me realise how lucky I am.

I guess we live to learn and am glad you now know what to look for. Kinda makes the work of looking half easy now.

Mamuje said...

The plot thickens....the guy is still back in London asking me to lend him some money. This is certainly cringe worthy.

ValeriesWorld said...

You need to write you list down on what you want in a man, physical n and personal aspects. You need to know if you want to be married and are you really for married.

God is good and when you are really ready, you will find him.

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