"You cant really know a person's true character anyway even if you date for 5 years" came my riposte. "Anyway I saw my future husband yesterday and i am dragging him by the hair (kicking and screaming) to the alter in June" I joked. I always joke :)
It is common knowledge or rather a reoccurring trend among some young couples in Nigeria these days. They meet in December and by March they are married and by September, Divorced. Finito. End of story.
"How can you not know a person has halitosis and BO combined, or is a philanderer, or has a love affair with porn or even know if the person is a lazy slob, who cant do the dishes?" He continued. "You should be able to simulate reactions Mamuje", he kept going "Call him/her at the middle of the night and complain about your health, the first reaction with tell you the character of that person". My dear, he continued "you should be able to know how his equipment works. Shag him, fuck him, explore every part of his anatomy. Do whatever possible to attain sexual gratification and KNOW him. In fact you have to live together at some point" Words of a very wise somebody! You should see my chesire cat grin!
I listened attentively as he told me of his search of perfection for his marriage. Months and lots of money spent on therapy. He analysed the 'flight or fight' scenario etc etc I was drowning in all of the facts. He went on to explain how technology had made the institution of marriage more challenging. Marriages have been streamlined with the influx of Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and even my favourite 'sin' the 'Blackberry. Fact. When you find out your lover/husband/wife is receiving lurid text messages from a certain somebody, it could end your relationship in an instant. Why would you not know you partner snores like a plane crash in mid air (or my personal favourite- snoring like a thousand cats simultaneously circumcised with a blunt razor blade) before you marry him/her?...Maybe the snoring progressed as the marriage regressed. Ha!
How wont you know a man is abusive if you followed due diligence by dating him effectively and simulating him? Or how wont you know he/she is tied to the family's apron strings? A no-gooder etc? How could you not know?!
What I learnt from our discussion:
Fight- Stay and work on your marriage or relationship. Learn to compromise. Bring the separate elements together that makes the institution of a relationship or marriage enjoyable. There is no bad person in a relationship. There is only a bad situation in a relationship- but with the right ingredients it can be made good. Both participants have to acknowledge that and have the desire to work on it
Flight- Break up. Move on. Divorce!
I am glad I had that discussion with him. It has changed my perspective about a whole lot of issues and unanswered questions. I have 2 weddings to attend in a month and they both met their future spouses in less than 6 months. Heaven help me to have an unbiased opinion, Heaven help them to make it through !!!