Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Seasons Change - A disgorgement of thoughts!

Howdy blogsville, I ended up wearing an off-shoulder jumpsuit (see pic) for the dinner on Saturday. Don’t ask. I felt a bit bloated, but I got more than a few compliments, I don’t know if they meant it or were just too afraid not to compliment me. Don't be fooled by the pic, I don't think I looked half as good as her: I guess that was it. It was good fun anyway.

This week I bumped into an old friend from high school. The last time I saw her was almost a decade ago. I was super delighted about meeting her. She met me up at the office I was working from and I took her back to my place for the long awaited gist. I was excited about it all. I was until – she decided to fill me in on what was happening in her world. I listened attentively as she hazily filled me in on what she’d been up to- Nothing apparently. For every twenty minute into the conversation she talked about ‘married men’ or ‘runs’. When she wasn’t talking about men , she was bandying about her friends I clearly did not know. What a huge difference a decade can make. What happened to catching up on high school? Talking about personal development as opposed to gossiping about other people’s success. An obvious indication that you are out rightly jealous and have a lot of time on your hands. As much as I hate to say this again, I just realized some friendships really have their expiry date and I was looking forward to seeing her back out the door, any more time spent with her would clearly hamper any productive thoughts. I just didn’t see how she would fit into my current life now even though she yakked on about how she missed her old friends and was desperate to keep in touch again. I didn’t see how she could add value to my life in any way, shape or form. She couldn’t. Not once did she talk about her Career, finishing Uni or stability of any kind. So sorry love. The end! Finito! Hasta La Vista baby!

Anyway, I got some bad and good news this week. lets start with the bad....My former employers have made 900 staff redundant including 4 colleagues from my office, that I liked. That dampened my spirit until my stock broker called me to say my cheque was ready. Been trying to sell some stock for a while now, with the economic downturn it seemed quite bleak to get a buyer. Thank God, they eventually sold it for at least 75% more than what i got it for. Not much, but its something :-) I had been praying for another car. Yes I have another car now, so my brother is gonna put my current jalopy on the market later this week. I start driving my new baby this weekend or so. I deserve some good news.

BTW, next week from the 1st of March, I need to work on losing some weight since that's the trend on blogsphere. I weigh a a dangerously hefty 73kg, in my size 10/12, I have big bones that's why. I want to be a svelte 55kg in a few short months...and rid off the cellulite! Its a mission baby.

Until later folks.....


Thursday, 18 February 2010

If the dress unfits....?

What do you wear then?

Ok, I need help people. A mini dilemma here. I am attending an all important dinner party on Saturday- for my big brother. My family and friends of the family will be there. Unfortunately I am running around like a headless chicken. I cant afford a new outfit, because (under muttered breathe) I am saving up for holiday.... and I have a number of new outfits but nothing seems appropriate as I often shop like a blind Gypsy. I am guilty of shopping online. I buy something , when it comes I realise I cant wear it as it isn't how I envisioned it on my body- And always too lazy to return. I just couldn't be bovvered. I am sure you'd say why not wear a safe black number? I have 3 unusual black dresses:

Dress 1. A part replica of the dress worn in 'indecent proposal'. The dress didnt just sit right on me. Everytime I put it on my tits threaten to spill- then they spill out before I step out da darn door! Exposing all my appendages in its full glory!

Dress 2. I dont know what I was thinking. Honest. This one takes the cake for indecent exposure as my butt cheeks are right in ya face. Yeah, hoochie mama, that's right! Hardly suitable for the event in question.

Dress 3. It was on sale, for some ridiculous amount. Too cheap I 'cant fit' to disgrace myself up in here sef. The dress is a size 14UK/10US (I am a size 10UK/6US) all for cheap article and the darn dress has frills and ruffles underneath. I mean, who wears an oversized dress with ruffles? My unwisdom at its finest. Any attempt to wear it, I face the risk of looking dowdy and Bjork-ish. *Pshieeuuuwww*
So that leaves me with 2 alternative choices: The ever faithful patterned Ankara or a red diamanté Sari. I don't want to draw any attention to myself by wearing a Sari. You know how some tata' Nigerians are, they go 'Ohh, ahhh, where did you get this? Ohhh...I want it at all cost' yada, yada, blah, blah, blur.......Its definitely a show stealer. Then the washed out Ankara is my best possible bet. Peharps bling it out?. After all's been said, I still need to make a choice. I don't want to go out looking like an unloved step-child...Like Bjork!

Sadly, my wardrobe currently looks like I am going for a cheer-leading contest in Tibet!. Despicable! Maybe its time for a yard sale!


Wednesday, 17 February 2010

How long before someone is s'pose to notice?

I saw this yesterday during my usual tatafo-ing on FB and it made me wonder what sort of world we live in. This happened almost 10 years ago but I just read about it. Its dreary, strange and weird. I mean to be candid the chances that this would happen in Nigeria is 0% or even any part of the world, but it did happened. This is the saddest shit I have heard/read in yonks. It hit home ‘hard' for me. A man dies at his work desk and no one in his office notices until 5 days later. Didn't anyone offer him tea, coffee, chewing gum or even guguru and ekpa. He just sat in a stationary position. Until he was discovered. We suddenly stopped caring about our neighbours. it doesn’t concern us anymore. I mean if this was Nigeria and your colleague doesn't say any word to you in days, you’d probably nudge him/her so hard in the intestines that it would hurt so much, they’d jolt back from the dead. In our part of the world, you call in sick for 3 days and your colleagues come visiting at home, bearing feel-good gifts.

The situation seems quite dodgy to me. A colleague who had been working in the same company for 3 decades, wearing the same clothes for 5 days in the office (I am assuming he didn’t have a family anyway, so no one bothered to ask why he hadn't been home), was he so unloved or insignificant that no-one offered him a mint or asked if he was ok? The baffling thing in all of this, it was an open plan office. Didn’t the corpse start to smell? I mean an unpleasant smell must have wafted through the office at some point. No? Something just doesn’t sit right in this story. Oh! Poor George Turklebaum!!!

It pays to share the occasional pleasantries, for all you know; the next person/colleague/neighbour might just be ‘dead’.


Sunday, 14 February 2010

Is it really the thought that counts?!

Does it really matter what a person gives you as a present? Does it? You can receive a bottle of cough syrup and feel particularly elated. Right? Would you like (for ladies) a bottle of hair shampoo or a tin of tomato concentrate and feel it was the perfect gift and deceive yourself that its the thought that counts? I might appear materialistic but I am a strong advocate of chivalrous qualities. I also believe in quality over quantity. If you have to do something, do it right. I got a lovely gift today. An amazing pair of Michael Kors platforms (See pics below). It made me happy that my friend thought of me and also got it right. Getting it right appealed more to me because that means the person went the extra mile. It exudes care. Its not just about getting a gift. One should find a gift that hits the right note. Some people just do the needful by getting something so as not to appear slack.
I like people to ask me what I'd like. maybe give me a budget to work with, and a list of things I could possibly want. Trust me, I still act surprised and excited, cos I think they will get me one thing then they get another equally lovely thing. I am not a teenager, I know what I want. So asking for subtle hints will save anyone trying to impress me from unmitigated embarrassment. If you are gonna play it safe, just give me store vouchers or my personal favourite. MONEY! :-) Luckily, my friends never disappoint. They know me. I remember one time my brother was getting my birthday gift, he got my best friend to ask me what I'd like. It isn't rocket science, its the thought +care+ common sense that counts!
Today, I decided to compare notes with a friend about a list of horrible presents we had gotten in the past. I didn't have much of a list to compare with but one remained emblazoned on my mind for all the wrong reasons. You can imagine my disappointment when a guy I was in love with gave me a DVD on my birthday. My boyfriend then- for clarification (before you go asking what sort of DVD- I beg your pardon, but it doesn't matter- even if was a 'Debbie does Dallas' DVD). One of 2 gifts. The other gift was equally as bad- with no card... plus they were both still nestled in the shop's carrier bag. I was disorientated from that day, that was when I knew our romance was short-lived and heading for the rocks. A DVD is not cool as a birthday gift to your lover.... in any Continent/Tribe/Creed. I was distraught, much to my chagrin the bloke didn't even notice my disappointment. In a friend's words 'A DVD? of ANYTHING.. is a last minute gift and quite possibly an insult. Well, you should have seen the morbid look on my face when my friend opened up to me that for her last birthday her boyfriend gave her Mr Biggs cake and a card. How tacky and lurid!!! Suffice to say they are not together anymore. *Long irritated hiss*

I had finally gotten the 'DVD' experience outta my chest. *sigh*. Who says Chivalry is dead? Chivalry is alive and well.


Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Cupid is Stupid

Its just another Valentine's day! I had noticed that I am one of the few ones who hadn't come up with a Valentines day blog, so here it goes:

The much dreaded time for singletons is here again. For me it’s just another day. Luckily it falls on a Sunday, I get to go to church (btw, I have resumed church activities) after some long months. As long as I remember I have never spent Valentine with a love interest, its either we start a relationship after Valentine or break up just before Valentine. Don’t you dare laugh. Even in my long term relationship. I dated a guy (Mr X) for 5 long years. Yes. 5 long years and we never spent Valentine’s Day together. My brother decided to get married on what was supposed to be my first Valentine’s day with Mr X and subsequent Valentines saw us living in different continents.

Lets highlight my Valentine spent over the last Decade and a bit:

1998- Spent it with bff….and her boyfriend. Then they left me the entire night. I slept without light and with lots of mosquitoes for company.

1999- For some bizarre reason I decided to go with 3 couples on a road trip (I was the only boyfriend-less person in uni). I had no money for a hotel. I crashed with my bff and her boyfriend in their room. I killed their action. He never forgave me. I deprived my best friend of her Valentine shag! Close your eyes and imagine yourself sleeping on a cramped bed with 2 other horny people. And you are the obstacle!.

2000- Spent it with my friend, while she went out with her boyfriend…then the mosquitoes came in droves this time around.

2001- I was recently dating some dude. Travelled all the way to Lagos to see him, found out he was engaged. To think I stood some other dude up back at Uni.

2002-Spent it babysitting my niece while my brother went out with his girlfriend. He broke up with her shortly after.

2003-Had to go home for my brother’s wedding- while boyfriend was left alone in Abuja.

2004- Cooked dinner for my friends at my flat- While boyfriend was working in a different country.

2005-At home with friends- While boyfriend was working in a different country.

2006-Spent it with my sister-While boyfriend was working in a different country

2007- (long story)….Went out with friends- At my insistence, boyfriend sent me a dozen roses from Khabarovsk, Russia to London (Over 5000 miles apart). I threatened that if he didn't send it, I would never sleep with him again. The flowers withered and died almost immediately.

2008-Spent Valentine with my brother, he thought it was too creepy and left me by myself at home. I had to go out with friends...eventually.

2009-Spent it with friends and family- No male specimen in sight

2010- ?????

I want to spend valentine by myself this time. Knowing that this is the last valentine I’d be spending alone. Apparently 15% of women send themselves roses on valentine’s day. Did you know that? Na wa, I am too much of an Edo chick to do that. I appreciate the valentine spirit, but its all too commercialized. Its substance over form. For me, Valentine has lost its substance.


Saturday, 6 February 2010

Life's Lessons 101

As I grow older I learn everyday and pick up life lessons as I go along. A lot has shaped me to who I have become today. I have experienced quite a bit in my 3 short decades on planet earth and I am quite open to learning more.

  1. I have learnt that never trust anyone but give them the benefit of the doubt. While understanding that humans are susceptible to erring. Never test your friend’s resolve by putting them in a situation where they can fail you. You might get hurt in the end and you’d be the one to blame.
  2. I have learnt that never, ever, ever, under no circumstances sleep with your ex. If you want a ‘friend with benefit’ find a neutral person. He/She was an ex for a reason. You’d leave the sex-fest having a lot less respect for each other.
  3. I have also learnt never to be sexually involved with a man and lend/borrow/dash/give him money. Any man who asks a lady for money is an ass-wipe. No Matter the circumstance.
  4. Never ever sleep with your friend’s boyfriend, ex or toaster. It’s not an option. Even if you have no regard for the friendship. Even if the boyfriend/ex/toaster has a diamond encrusted crotch.
  5. I have learnt that there comes a time in your life where you’d have to prioritize your man over your friends. That’s just life.
  6. I have also learnt that no matter how annoying my mother is, I could never ever swap her for another. If I had to do it again, I would choose her.
  7. I have also learnt that there comes a time in your life when you have to drop old friends for whatever reason it might be. Some friendships have their expiry date. Some friendships are timeless.
  8. I have learnt that some people come into your life for a reason.
  9. I have also learnt that money can break friendships. I learnt that quickly, I don’t borrow from friends. I will never lend money out again.
  10. I have learnt to say ‘No’, ‘I don’t feel comfortable with this, so I can’t do it’. Your friends will still love you anyway.
  11. I truly believe that you can’t always choose your family but you can choose and love your friends. To all my friends reading this. I love you. You are truly amazing.
  12. I have also learnt that no matter how bad a situation is, A short prayer and a chilled glass of Coca-cola can give instant relief.
  13. I have also learnt that in life you meet some people who like angels living amongst us and some people who are more offensive than rotten dead bodies.
  14. I have also learnt that No woman can ever truly be happy because no man, I repeat….No man has a chocolate penis that ejaculates money. So the sooner we all come to terms with it. The better for our sanity.

Have a lovely week ahead folks.


Thursday, 4 February 2010

Things I adore....!

There are some things that make me smile. I got this idea from brain-n-boobs blog. Some things I just cant go without. I am very passionate about these things that make me happy and would go almost any length to satisfy my flesh. So here it goes, in no particular order of importance.

1. I love garlic. I love it for cooking as well as eating raw. The gorgeous smell of roasted or sauteed garlic wafting through my living room. Its also some sort of aphrodisiac for me. I am known to request that my men eat a mammoth amount of garlic before err.... My love for garlic drove me to visit the Garlic & Shots bar. My friends haven't forgiven me for subjecting them to copious amounts of garlic beer and garlic vodka and an atrocious garlicky breathe that lasted for weeks. *evil snigger*

2. I love cheese. I heart cheese. I especially love Camembert and Brie cheese. There is something orgasmic about cheese. I once fell in love with a guy more when he bought me a behemoth garlic cheese from Switzerland. The love faded when the cheese finished.

3. I love travel. I am sure that's no news. I can travel with my entire savings. In fact I am broke from travelling. Need i say more? Nope.

4. I love shoes, heels, boots, flats, whatever. I love a good bargain. As long as its my size and its on sale I got to have it. I have at least 80 wearable pairs now. I believe I have more shoes than clothes. Most of them are a size smaller and I probably never wear 70 of them. They usually have dust for company. Pic below is my favourite shoe, a size too small for me. But with the right determination, a shoe horn, a table knife and some E45 cream it fits *sigh*
5. I love coffee. I love the smell and colour of coffee. I love my lattes. Its simply the best with some polenta cake or blueberry muffin yum yum.

6. The place I love most in this world is London. I love London and its bright lights. The multifaceted city. The hustle and bustle is unparalleled. No other city has excited me the way London does. I am like a little Scandinavian kid in a liquorice store whenever I am in that city. Total unrivalled bliss.

7. I am fascinated by Culture. It includes foreign spices, attires. Intense music. I don't know what foreign music I like best, its either bollywood or arabian music. Weird as it may seem, but that's the way it is. I have a collection of Bollywood tracks as far back as the 60's. I also have a collection of saris (I am normal believe me) and sometimes pretend I am in a desert when I belly-dance. My alter-ego is a transvestite of Indian and Lebanese heritage. Go on then...call me a nutter. My people don't get my excitement/fascination with India and the Middle-East, same way I don't get why the Scandinavians like Liquorice.

8. I enjoy solitude.It makes me think deeper. I travel alone sometimes. I go to the cinema and theatres alone. I sometimes dine at fancy restaurants alone (And believe me when i say I dress up for that).

9. I thought i loved my blackberry but I prefer my ipod and TV more. I could do without the constant annoying notifications and flashing lights. Yikes. Watching TV and listening to my ipod is like a relief for me. It's where i get away from all the worries and just focus.......... on nothing really.

10. I love Perfumes. I used to spend quite a bit on perfumes. At some point I had at least 40 bottles of perfumes. I don't usually buy a perfume twice. I have bought Burberry Weekend, Miracle by Lancome and Michael Kors more than once...so they have to be my favourite.

11.What can I say? I love my sashimi with oodles and oodles of wasabi and soy. Ooooh! Pic of last one I ate 3 months ago.
12. I love to entertain. I cook and entertain people....and if there is any energy left, I belly dance for them. What more can they ask for?

13. I love winter, there is an air of sophistication about winter. Its my favourite time of the year. The faux fur, tweed coat and leather knee high boots are just too original. I love the smell in the air...as long as its dry ;)

14. I love a mean plate of very rare steak..slightly charred but bloody in the middle.

15. I love Coca-Cola. Repeat 100 times after me. I love Coca-cola. I love it passionately. 100x

Could you list 5 things you are passionate about?