This little wizzard of mine.

I just got this little Kenwood Wizzard blender. To blitz everything up...from purees to soups, to mince and I can even get those perfect egg whites done for that souffle. I got the little wizzard to cheer myself up. I was disappointed by a human being yesterday. I was so sure and so expectant and didn't think it would go awry or I'd be disappointed by family and people I'd known almost all my life. They led me on for 3 months when they knew they had no plans to give me the business. I was so disappointed I just couldn't function so I spent the entire day weeping in my bedroom (shut myself from the world) for a good 6 hours. I had a good-long-heart-wrenching cry. In my head I had already spent the money on that Nikon, India Trip,and that WSET course (wailing uncontrollably)..... Then my backup plan went kaput as well. Bummer! Anyway I woke up a better person this morning. Peeled myself off the bed and faced the challenges of the new day. On a positive note, the shop is taking shape. I will post pictures up soon.

I learnt one vital lesson in all of this. I would never give people the benefit of the doubt..even family. I make no apologies for it. At least in all of this I got a new kitchen toy and I am excited to use it. I can just imagine blitzing those traitors SPLEEN. *evil snicker* Well...it makes me feel better thinking abourrit. How has your week been? I believe the better part of MY week is yet to come o. The devil cannot steal my joy. lai lai. Bless y'all.

M'je

In a HUGE nutshell

When I woke up on Friday the 16^th of April 2010 I had the day planned in advance. First of all I was to go to my shop site and slap the foreman with a wet fish or better still shake my index finger furiously at him while cussing at him for stalling work on the warehouse site. Anyway it was not to be so. I got a text that morning that my favorite sister in Kano had lost one of her sons. My nephew passed away the night before, he was turning 8 in August. He had been ill. Immediately, I knew my plans had changed. I was contemplating going by road or flying to Kano to be by her side. I opted for flying. Without knowing this was going to be one of the most memorable weekends (for all the WRONG reasons) of my life. I got to the airport just after 4pm for my 5pm flight. We were kept waiting for 5 hours at the airport. I landed in Kano at 10pm just in time to give my big sis a big hug.

I watched the mourners as they trooped in and out of my sister’s bedroom all weekend. I learnt a few things about the Northerners or staunch Muslims as I like to call them. (I forgot to add that I come from a staunch Muslim family and my sister followed that route. I did not).

1. As a woman, you don’t have a religion until you get married. Then you follow your husband’s religion. Absolute bollocks!

2. You should cover up your hair. If you are married another man shouldn’t see your hair.

3. Sitting on the bare floor is a way of life. I admire the simplicity of the Northerners.

4. I met an educated woman under 40 with 11 children. She was gunning for the 12^th. I mean how the hell do you manage that.?

5. The Northerners have a horrible sweet tooth.

6. If you think it’s hot anywhere else in Nigeria. Try Kano.

7. Death is seen as an act of Allah, therefore I didn’t see anyone cry. Not even my sister.

8. I slept about 30 hours and ate about 12000 calories over the ‘mournful’ weekend.

9. If you see where/how they make your beloved KILISHI, you’d never eat kilishi in your life again.

10. Too many Achabas (motorcycles) in Kano. At best, its 7 per pedestrian. Yuck!

I tried to take pictures but only got the picture of a donkey from my bedroom window. Dont ask (and it wont even upload well cos of my yeye internet connection. Can you see it properly?). In a HUGE nutshell, that was my weekend. I trust yours was much, much better than mine.

M’je

Prostitute of the mind.

It’s a term I got from one of Haruki Murakami’s books that describes the constant jabbing of my mind. Lately, due to intense stress (albeit good stress) I have experienced an aimless wandering of my mind. In fact I think aimlessly it’s begun to worry me, i think its more to the fact that I barely get any sleep these days. I barely slept a wink last night. In the middle of a vapid conversation I just conjure one of my many thoughts and pose a random question or thought- and everyone present gives me the raised eyebrow look like what cheap drugs are you on this time?. I believe I am not alone in this, I got this inspiration from Afrobabe (I hope this is duly noted). For instance there are a few questions that have been tugging my arteries for a bit now.

For instance I wonder if vegans give blow-jobs. I mean its meat right? Does Johnny Bravo have a huge wiener? Has anyone tried to picture Bill Cinton’s face when Monica went down on him in the Oval Office or wherever it was? I have done that over and over in my mind and it still doesn’t feel right more to the fact cos I like Bill. I have watched animals mate over and over again (and I know Pigs are the only animals who shag solely for the fun of it) but do they have orgasms? I could swear I saw a chicken orgasm when I was a kid….but then again, I do not know if what I saw was vivid. It might have been dying for all I know. I also sometimes wonder if and when people are given a second chance, does it mean they have the freedom to waste the first chance? I am so weird I try to imagine how my kids would look like with each ex boyfriend.

Lastly, I wish that for one day of the week. Only one day of a week, maybe Thursday..like today. I wish I could legally shoot or run over stupid people. E.g a Nigerian policeman or a past politician of Nigeria. It’s just a thought. I am yet to act on it. Oops. I feel completely drained. I feel the best part of me is a lot like the sludge at the bottom of a hot chocolate drink. *sigh* I need to get my thoughts in order. My thoughts just wander about. Its worrying. Believe me, I am more worried than you are.... I believe this phase will wash over me. Enjoy your weekend folks.

M’je

Swim Afloat!

On holiday in Greece 3 years ago. Me and one of my best friends walked into a herbal shop on the long strip in Hersonissos. We met the co-owner of the store who didn’t look a day over 30. She was very stunning and after exchanging pleasantries we found out she was in fact way above menopause. She attributed her youthful looks to a lifelong use of herbs. Anyway the next thing that came out of her mouth (out of the blue) almost crippled me with shock. ‘Learn how to swim’ she said to me.

I didn’t know what to say….’How do you know I can’t swim?’ I retorted

My puzzled friend gave me the look and shot back at her ‘How did she….?’

‘You know what I mean and the context in which I mean it’ She continued ‘Know how to keep your head above water…no one will do it for you….I have experience young lady and I can read you like a book….’

I immediately knew what she was talking about. I kept looking at the psychic woman with a coy smile standing in front of me. While still on holiday my 5 year relationship came to an abrupt demise. It just had to end. Shortly after I started making arrangements to relocate to Nigeria. All because of the psychic woman. At that time I was neck deep into clairvoyance.

Fast- forward 3 years later. I was sitting on my bed on a Saturday morning replaying the message to my mate. We talked about getting fit. Taking up swimming etc. I confessed about my fear inability to swim even though I have attempted it for over 10 years. Every time I take swimming lessons, I punt after a few sessions. I find the whole flapping of arms under water quite laborious. Somehow, It translated to my present life. I believe the reason I can’t swim is because I have a problem trusting the water to keep me safe. The fear of death. Two of my greatest fears are the fear of DROWNING & FAILURE. I know I have to let go to stay afloat but I just cannot. (It’s been a long time coming and its deeply personal). I realized I may have left the UK, left the relationship but still haven’t let go of the entire burden AND I am still struggling to stay afloat. So my newest task is to learn how to swim (in actual waters and in other areas of my life) and face my fears. I believe activities like driving, swimming and running very much define our daily lives/inner being and how we triumph above adversity. When I started driving I felt it was an impossible feat…until I mastered it (not without running a couple of people over though :-D). My friend and I are gonna take swimming lessons 3 times a week. She has offered to teach me too. I believe if I can manage this physical activity then emotionally/spiritually/every-ally would be easy peasy. Wish me luck as I subconsciously…Let go…let go…let go….let go….let go….

M’je

I have arrived!!!

It was 5:46am and I was crouched in a fetal position on one of the long chairs at the Nnamdi Azikiwe international airport battling sleep and watching (from the corner of my eye) and observing passengers who have just disembarked from BA082, as they shuffled through arrivals. I couldn't for the life of me find my mother. As usual, I expected her to be the last to come through. It was her way. Anyway, one common trend I noticed among passengers was how gaily dressed and beautiful they looked especially the female passengers. I have ploughed the same route a million times and never for once do I remember looking anything short of disheveled when my plane touched down. The plane lands at 5 am for Chrisses sake? When do you have the time to beautify yourself with MAC lipgloss and pancake? And you have a 110% chance of going straight to bed once you reach home or at least having a shower before you get to work/meeting/wherever.

Another observation was the subtle pompousness that hovered around some passengers….as if to say ‘Look at me, I have arrived’. There is a sense of temerity that comes off these people. And the first thing that comes to mind is, this is a first time traveler or the ONLY person that had gone abroad in their family. (For all you may know, they may be coming from Syria and still feel pompous). The one that makes me smile is when the person starts talking in a foreign accent already. The person who shops the least comes back to Nigeria with at least 70kg and by any standard, that is a lot. I hardly ever shop when I go on proper holidays, except of course the usual souvenir and crap. I think it defeats the purpose of a holiday…instead of enjoying yourself, you shop. SMH.

For some people in Nigeria the gauge for your success is your ability to jet in and out of Nigeria to shop. But then again, I cant blame them, can I? The cheapest ticket for an international flight (Not flights within Africa) cost at least $1000 dollars. I mean in a third world country, if you can drop that every couple of months to go shopping then really and truly you have arrived.

Finally, I saw (what looked like) my mum, looking as if she owned the universe, looking prim and proper, STILL in her winter gear, sauntering through arrivals with at least a hundred and fifty kilos worth of rubbish luggage. I don’t know which I did first but I hung my head in embarrassment AND I turned beetroot!!!

Ooopps....I have been yakking on and totally forgot......Happy Easter my beautiful blogsville people.

M'je