Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Some mothers do have them!

And there was the Tampax Pearl Plastic:
.... Its been a good week so far. Business has picked up. I am getting busier and busier and even hired extra help.

I lost a friend of 11 years yesterday. He didn't physically die. But he is dead to me. It was about time. The relationship became TOXIC. I am not sad about it, I realised I wanted it to happen sooner than later. Now, that's that. When someone wants to make you feel less than inadequate then move on. BTW, he and I don't share an umbilical cord! *insert 'relief' emoticon here*. The chance of me salvaging our friendship is the same chance a donkey has using a payphone.

UPDATE: Last night Mr London or who I now call 'Latte'... had dinner with me at my favourite Indian restaurant. We are cool. I haven't visualized having his children yet.... or worse in his kitchen with a wrapper around my chest and hairnet on my head. But we think alike...Almost ALL the time. *is that supposed to be a good thing?*..... In some amazing twist, I wore a sari during my dad's remembrance and he wore a Salwa Kameez (the male version) so we ended up calling ourselves Sunita and Vikram. Too Cute! We have shared outfits, humour, business ideas in the last few days. One thing I know is, I cant even look the dude straight in the face. I am shy. *insert red-faced emoticon here*

ENOUGH with Japanese school girl love stories: Anyway, last week I saw a box of matches in my fridge. I put it there. I removed it. Only to come back in the evening to find it there. I believe I put it back there again. Only 2 days ago, I went to see a client for a payment and they asked for a pen to sign my cheque. I blindly reached into my hurricane bag and brought out my tampon instead of the pen. I mean who can blame me.? Its the new BLOODY Tampax pearl Plastic. I looks/feels like a bloody pen... Suffice to say, I made my clients evening and I can see the priory calling me softly *hangs head in shame*


Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Woo me!

OK single ladies, here is some revolting news. The other day some random bloke who is gonna be present at my dad's remembrance ceremony this weekend sent me a BB. He is gonna be at the event and wants to use the opportunity to see my family. As per marriage. My stomach churned. My intestines knotted. Let me point out, I have only met this goon once.... At my dad's funeral rites last year... and he was hitting on my friend. Fast forward a year later, he wants to marry yesterday. I am not in anyway flattered. Even if he was the last man on earth and I was out of batteries. My point is, the rate and speed at which people walk down the aisle these days is alarming. What happened to the days of wooing, toasting and courtship????. Now you see a lady at distance you want to marry her immediately. And in a peculiar situation where you are lacking or physically challenged I wont expect you to be hoarding cash. Just saying...

Anyway I put my foot down and I said I would rather be wooed first, but he insisted on the introduction. I said well I expect any man who wants to be with me to go through due process/diligence. The dinners, dates, buying me a lot of gifts (which is not a guarantee that I will even marry you) You should make me feel special....well that's because I am a WOMAN. That's how things are done. What happened to sending me champagne truffles or some nice perfume or some nice coffee? Ok..OK...maybe I am too hard....even if its rice and chicken from Mr Biggs. Buy it. Haba! Anyway I came to the conclusion that Mr X was too broke to woo a woman or wasn't interested enough. That's how some men earn a reputation for being cheap skates. Marriage no do me like that. I am not interested in text message or BB romance or cheap love. Pshieuw...
And better news. I was a bit worried about going home alone and facing family about the 'single condition'.... I dreaded it. My friends tried to set me up with a pseudo date for the weekend but I didn't quite like the 'hopefuls'. Well, I am pleased to inform you that I won't be going alone. My amazing sister-in-law hooked me up. My gorgeous date arrives tomorrow from London just in time for the event this weekend and we are going home together. Well..... all I can say is he is Tall, Dark and Handsome and quite a catch. I like him a bit. Just a bit. Lets just say he is the sort of bloke that your mum will be proud of.
Eid Mubarak Everyone :)

Friday, 3 September 2010

Who is Bigger + Better: White or Black?

I have been holding myself for months on broaching this topic. I will do so anyway with the facts presented before me. Using myself as a subject for research. A 'research' spanning 8+ years. I will be sexually explicit so please forgive me prudes!!!

1.They say Black men have bigger penises.
2. Once you go black you don't go back.
3. The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.

SAYS WHO????!!!!!

In the early years of my research or observation. :) When friends saw my love interest of a different race. They get all inquisitive and ask a lot of questions. The most prevalent question is always about the SEX! Yeah...Yeah...Sex is always the issue. I get questions like (I am sure you are dying to know). 'Is he circumcised?', 'Is he great in bed?', 'What is it like?'...Errrr he is a man with a difference race and possibly culture, so I really dont get it. One black guy who wanted to date me cringed at the thought of me having a white ex and hasn't shown much interest since then. Fair enough. Inadvertently, he proceeded to say. 'Its a Fact babe, Black men have bigger packages'. My swift response was 'I am assuming you are gay and have shagged ALL the white and black men within sight to base your conclusions/opinions upon....huh?'

I think we need to be more open minded interrcially. Looking beyond the imperfections and skin colour or Myths...whatever they are called. I believe it will be unfair to think a certain race are blessed with bigger+ betters features while others are not. Imagine a saying that goes 'White men have better brains than black men' How about that for starters! I am sure that would hurt!

In conclusion, there are no right or wrong answers and besides it isn't conclusive. I have enjoyed relationships with both white and black men but I am tilted towards dating whites as the first white man I dated treated me really really well and he was a godsend. Hence the partiality. As for the sex....its a no-brainer. Sex is based on chemistry. If the chemistry is more intense with a Mr X then you have better sex. Its NOT the race. Dare I add that the biggest penis I have ever seen was attached to a white man ....and it was circumcised. I said it. It was gigantic. There you go!!! Its outta my chest.

Once you go black you can never go back... well I don't know if there is much truth in the saying, but 2 of my exes went on to marry+ engaged proper African ladies after me. So I guess I was doing something right then. So those of you who have 'Bazookas' hanging down your nether regions. Way to go. Good luck!. Average to large+ Chemistry does it for me. A 'toddler's thumb' sized penis or a huge Bazooka are a No No!!!. I really dont know many women who want to be sitting in a hot tub for days on end.


(Pic Courtesy of google images)