Monday, 14 November 2011

Weddings & Phobias...


As a little girl I remember being dressed up in dowdy and sometimes horrid outfits and joined the flower girl or little bride parade. I must have loved it. I probably thrived on it as i got to wear the heels that I loved so much. I had big feet so by age 8 I got my first sling back nude heels. Size 38. Most of all, I am sure my mum was keen to show off her only daughter as I must have played the flower girl role to at least half a dozen of my aunts' weddings. I will never forget one in 1988. I remember that one especially because I was dressed up in the most hideous dress ever. It was fuchsia pink and black stripes and it had cheap black lace on the collar. I made a decision early in life that I didn't want to have a bridal train. I was clearly traumatized.

As the years went on weddings lost their flair. I come from a large family and I had to be there for almost every function. Then out of the blue I just stopped attending Weddings/Christenings altogether. Even that of relatives.

Over the weekend I tried to re-collect all the weddings I have been to over the last 10 years. There has been at least 4 weddings annually between my friends and family and I have barely attended any. I have missed my closest friends weddings. Travelling to another town/state for a wedding is actually a big deal for me. To give you an idea, I have missed the weddings of 3 half sisters and I deliberately didn't go for my dad's remembrance (even though all my siblings went0. My excuse?. I just didn't want to be there. I am good at NOT giving any explanations. I also hate going to children's birthdays. Concerts are a No No. I wont call it a social phobia as I don't mind going to bars/restaurants with friends or alone as I can just zone out and pretend we are the only ones in the room. When aso-ebi matter enter, count me out!

Anyway, now i think its posing as a problem I have missed about 3 weddings this year and missed the fourth last Saturday and have decided I wont miss the next weekend as a mate is getting married and I should be there for him. I know I am scared of something. Sometimes I feel I will be judged. Sometimes I fear to start the aproko conversations that some busy-body Nigerian invetebrates engage in about why you are not married/have a baby etc. Why are these people even invited anyway? Surely, one of life's enigmas! Maybe part of me is secretly envious of their happiness. Maybe I am running away from something. The rate at which things are going, no one will show up for my wedding.

M'je

9 comments:

Pretty Lashes said...

I can totally understand why you've avoided them. Nigerian weddings (at least the ones I've been to) have a carnival feel about them. Some enjoy it some don't. I have to say I don't.

Lol@ aproko aunties and uncles

Myne Whitman said...

The aproko aspect was one reason I avoid events that are sure to have loads of Nigerians, and weddings are sure to. But once in a while is good, especially if the celebrant is a good friend.

Ginger said...

Weddings. The special prayers for single people. The judging eyes when you don't get up for bouquet throwing. The aso-ebi investments (I'm so outta that loop and No I don't intend to foist aso-ebi on my friends). The fact that if you've attended one wedding you've seen it all. Inspite of that, I still love weddings.

'Lara said...

Aproko aunties and uncles and friends also. I used to avoid parties alot except maybe those of families. This year alone I have missed alot of them and I am happy that I am not in town to have give a reason for not attending.

Okeoghene said...

I love weddings, other people's own that is. Don't worry people will come to your wedding

SHE said...

Sometimes those occassions can be a real waste of time and an opportunity for people who would otherwise not have the chance, to poke their long noses into your life.

I have found that the trick to handling weddings is timing. Arrive just in time to say hello to the people that matter, and make a quick escape. Maximum time spent: 30 minutes.

itsjustmedaringtodream said...

I feel you. I used to work for a church that held weddings. And I had to attend all of them. And I hated going. But I think it was because I had to buy a gift for everyone knowing that they would never buy me a gift (or even be in my life) when I got married. True to form...they didnt. But in a single year I went to like 30 weddings..it was ridiculous. But the jealousy of their feigned happiness was part of it for me too...The grass being greener scenario. Dont miss anymore weddings..go and in full confidence show everyone you are happy being YOU! Consequently, I still help plan weddings now by the way...isnt life funny?!

Fluffycutething said...

Funny i used to really like attending weddings and birthdays and whatever, just invite me i'll be there :D

Marriage and the boys have slowed me down a bit not though, sometimes just the thought of the boys yelling in the car on the way to the venue, just makes me change my mind LOL

Chili Pepa said...

Gosh, I so feel you on this! I've only ever been to ONE wedding in my whole life. I hâte going for concerts as well but I think nothing of going to à bar or restaurant unaccompanied.