Thursday, 21 April 2011

Imperfect me!

It's 3:20am and I can't sleep so I blog....

It has taken ever ounce of strength in me to post this blog. Right now, I am going through a cocktail of contradictory emotions. Fear, anger, sadness, faith, hope but most of all relief. Just after my 17th birthday, my friend noticed my back was distorted, we looked at it in the mirror and I could see my right shoulder blade sticking. I didn't know what it was but I knew I wasn't born with it....so I tried my best to conceal it and act as if it was nothing. The occasional backaches, not been able to wear halter necks without long flowing locks. If I exposed my back, I was asked questions. So I didn't. Well, I thought it would go away.

In 2006 I got a temp job as a chiropractic assistant and that's when my boss told me I had Scoliosis. An 'S' shaped spine. At that time I was entitled to free chiropractic care. Well, my X-Rays showed my spine looking crooked. That explained why my left rib cage was protruding more than the right. aha! Luckily, none of my boyfriends ever pointed it out. I mean, how could they not have noticed? Well, I still thought it would go away...

Then with recent back aches.... I decided to delve into a comprehensive research about scoliosis and it's sufferers. The first shock that hit me was it being called a 'Disease/Disability'. I also realized people can get it at the adolescent stage which I believe is when mine started. Apparently there is no cure. No known cure. No proof that exercise even helps it. (Albeit I observed most celebrities with scoliosis were professional swimmers) Depending on your curve, you could manage it with a brace or undergo surgery where you'd have rods stuck into your spine to straighten it. Well now I know where my breathing problems stemmed from. The neck/shoulder snap was as a result of the shape of my spine. *I knew it wasn't normal*

Oh and its hereditary. I want to be upset but I can't. You know why?  Because I am blessed with people who love me and to be honest living is not that bad. We all know the silent stigma associated with the 'physically challenged'. I keep wondering why I hid it for so long and not telling my mum or going to the doctor when it would have been easily managed. Part of me feels grateful for experiencing what some other people face. Some People with this disease have it worse where their spine is tilted to a 90 degree curve. I am grateful its not worse than it is already. I have a moderate curvature (about a 30 degree curvature) which isn't fatal. I won't have surgery. Never. Sadly, it deteriorates as one gets older...if no measures are taken so I am considering extensive physiotherapy (my friends tease me about being a surly crooked old woman...being surly is bad enough, but surly and crooked? ;-| ) Unfortunately, there isn't any form of awareness about scoliosis in Nigeria (I am still looking) and not enough exposure worldwide. I am trying to be open about it now. Besides the fact that Bra-wearing and tube wearing has been a chore, it's just unpretty to look at. The back aches are part and parcel of the issue. As I am aware, I have been working my ass of at the gym and strengthening my back 5 times a week. I almost always sleep on the Lat Machine!

Next time you see someone with a hunch or an uneven shoulder blade, hip, or legs...just don't stare. Smile and remember, your very own Mamuje is rocking a chip in her shoulder....quite literally:-)

M'je

Monday, 11 April 2011

You broke the deal!

What would break 'your' deal?

.....the other day I was watching Tyra banks and there was an episode on ' deal breakers' and it made me wonder maybe one ex or the other broke up with me because I 'broke' the deal.... Well her team came up with all sorts of potential deal breakers and the public took a vote.
Would you leave a man because he was short?
Would you leave a man because he had bad breathe?
Would you leave a man because he was bad in bed?
Would you leave a man because he snores? (bear in mind, some snores could be likened to a thousand cats being circumcised simultaneously with a blunt razor blade)
Would you leave a man because he lived with his mum?
Would you leave a man because he couldn't dress properly?
Would you leave a man because he went Dutch?

I could relate to all the deal breakers....except a man who lived with his mum..... And I have never dated anyone shorter than me. At a diminutive 5'6.... It will almost be sacrilegious to do so. The poll also revealed that shorter men would need to earn about 150% more than the average man to actually get a date (according to Internet dating) oh dear! It's a hard life for the dimensionally challenged.

To be honest, I haven't dated any 2 men who were alike.....I pretty much judge a guy with what he presents during the dating stage. For instance I currently face a dilemma. Ok, I am currently dating. I am dating vigorously Abi na rigorously and I am enjoying meeting different people and learning from them. This one guy seems nice, cool, laid back and pretty much the opposite of me. He is quiet. I like that. But anytime he sends me messages he uses text language.....*insert ridiculous silence here*........ I mean he is much older than me but types stuff like :"So when wil u b in de shop". I almost cringe anytime I get a message from him and I confronted him but nothing came out of it. Do bear in mind, he didn't even put a question mark. For me I think it's a problem. Does that mean he cannot spell? On the other hand he gets me...he truly gets me. We share a penchant for adventure, adrenaline rush and sky diving etc but the text talk is off-putting! TOTALLY!!! My male friends thinks I am nuts for not dating him cos of that.....the girls agree with my concern...*sigh*

On a tangent, I find some men in this century pretty lazy and irresponsible. What's going on? Some men want to skip the dinner dates and head straight to the main event under the pretext that they want marriage and are not keen on dating for too long. I think a man should buy me a couple of meals AKA dating before asking to know my post code. Ahn Ahn....there are no free lunches. Imagine a bloke asking me to come over to his house or asking to come to my house as he doesn't feel safe in restaurants or public places because of the elections. *you don see mumu* I told him the only place I feel safe at is Obudu grill at the Sheraton.... That certainly broke the deal for me....

So what will be the utmost deal breaker for you?!

M'je

Sunday, 3 April 2011

The many variants of Ignorance (2)

This is a typical scenario
Girl 1: Hey girl, I have some Brazilian weaves for sale. Would you like one?
Me: Ah, No....I can't afford one at the moment.
Girl 1: Haba, how will you say you can't afford it? Just say you no wan buy from me or you get them plenty.

(It takes little to rile me up and this certainly did. Then I had to break it down to her as if she was a 2 year old.)

Me: First of all if you know anything about me you'd know I don't own a Brazilian weave.
Girl 1: A whole you? It's not possible.
Me: Well, its possible because of what I place as priorities. I don't see buying an expensive weave, bag or shoe as an investment as some people do.
Girl 1: Ok, just buy one from me na.
Me: Just because I have 25,000 Naira (£100) or 100,000 (£400) in my account doesn't mean I can afford a bottle of champagne or some Brazilian weave. It just means I have priorities and expensive weaves are not one of them.
Girl 1: But you travel, don't you pay for your trips?
Me: Yes, my trips are priority so also is my entertainment for the month. A Brazilian weave and Louis Vuitton are not one of them. I don't own any. Not because I don't like them, I just can't afford it right now.
Girl 1: ??? (Still unable to grasp the concept of 'affordability' or 'priority') Ok o, no problem then. Later!

I don't think I have any friend who can afford a bottle of Champagne without feeling the pinch, including myself. I sell one for about $80. I agree some can afford Brazilian weaves as it's part of their budget and they can logically argue that it has a lifetime guarantee.... It's not the amount you have as your bank balance. Duh! It's what you you hold as priority. Same way some of my friends don't understand that I can't buy a pricey shoe or bag or jewelry or even register at the golf club (a friend almost almost mauled me to death over the golf one yet she doesn't understand why I can still travel and claim I can't afford things) I agree, I am a cheapskate. Truth is, something has to give. I make a few trips a year, visit new countries and explore. It gives me joy and I look forward to these trips with glee. I couldn't possibly afford all those trips and still wear Brazilian weaves and expensive gold. I am not rich. Until, I can buy the littlest of things and not feel the pinch, then I can say I can truly afford things. Some people can afford things by the status of their bank balance. I am different, I can't.

The experience I have garnered from my travels can't be impacted upon by just wearing Brazilian weaves and drinking champagne. It comes from exposure. Chai.

M'je